Monday, January 14, 2008
Megan's Monday update
Today has started like a Monday with a vengence. Megan was up all night last night. Before she went to bed, she had a pretty good seizure. When she has those, she tends to get postictal, and just can't sleep. Today she was very emotional and just a mess. So looks like we will be calling the doc to see what is up. She had seizures as an infant and toddler. She outgrew the ones she had when she was little and hasn't been on meds in many years. The seizures that she has been having more frequently and more intense lately, used to only occur every 4-6 months. Who knows? It really stinks that as a parent you just don't know what is going on for sure. It breaks your mommy heart to not be able to make things right. I am her mom, I am suppose to be able to take the hurt away. I can't. It isn't fair. I should be able to. I should be able to at least know. I so wish she could just be able to tell me. To tell me what is hurting, to tell me what is wrong. For now, we just take it day by day, and hope we figure it out. Megan is sleeping now.. Praying she will sleep thru the night and tomorrow will be a better day. Please stop by Megan's other site too and sign her guestbook. Tell her you are from Springfield or surrounding area. We love to get to know everyone. www.caringbridge.org/visit/megansheppard
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Hello everyone. Today has been a quiet day here in Illinois. Megan slept pretty good last night. We are praying that she is getting back to herself. We shall see. (Being's I am new at this blogging, please go to Megan's other site to read past journals www.caringbridge.org/visit/megansheppard
I will also kind of introduce us a little better too. We are the Sheppard's we live in a small town in Illinois, south of Spfld. My husband and I will be married 20 yrs in July and have three wonderful children. Our oldest son is 18 yrs old and a senior in High School. Our youngest son is 5 yrs old and is in his last year of preschool. Then there is our Miracle Megan. She is 13 yrs old. At birth she sustained a severe hypoxic ischemic incident that resulted in severe brain injury. Megan has Cerebral palsy, non mobile, non verbal, seizure disorder, CVI, corrected scoliosis with spinal fusion surgery and rod implementation, numerous other surgeries. But she is the sweetest little angel God could of blessed us with. Because of her, we are the people we are today. She has taught us so much about life. What is important and what isn't. She is an amazing little girl. So hopefully, you will check in often and get to know the amazing gift she is.
Here is a poem I wrote years ago about Megan.....
The Little Girl that Could…
The day she was born the doctor’s said that she would die
They said that she would never laugh or never cry
They just kept saying that she would die.
They said that she would never hear or see,
They said that this would never be..
They said that she would never laugh or smile
They said that she would never eat or even be able to swallow
What they said those first few days made our hearts completely hollow.
They kept saying the things she would never do.
They said she would never walk or talk
She would never run and play
She would never dance or sing
The word never , they would sing with that medical ring.
They asked us what we wanted to do with her?
We questioned the meaning of that phrase, with What do you mean?
They said there are places for children like yours.
We said home she will go with us to love just as we would any other member of our family team.
The decision that had to be made was one that no parent should ever have to make
Were we to keep her on the machine or take her off and let God decide her fate?
The decision took many hours of prayer and inner strength
Would family and God understand?
Is it right to take this in our hands?
At that time we knew, the machine was her life at this point, we chose to remove it
We put it in Gods hands and said: Dear Father let your will be done….
To watch your child turn blue and purple and her heart rate drop to zero
Wondering if your child, this perfect child you had dreamed of for 9 months was going to leave you so suddenly?
After minutes, hours and days of ups and downs, she began to breath better no more dropping to near zero.
They still said, even though she has fought death, she still will never do anything!
She will never see or hear, laugh or smile, eat, swallow, nothing but lay there they said.
Weeks of the same news…
Finally we brought this little angel home…..
We were all so scared, they said the more she cries the more injured she is.
We coddled her and kept her close and never let her be alone.
We loved her so much, with a kind of love, that only few share
She was getting stronger and the words never seemed to fade away
We got her to suck and eat and eventually she smiled….
All the never or would nots were becoming wills and cans…
She lifted her head up today I would say
Tomorrow God, please let her do something else I would pray.
Sometimes it wasn’t days that things would progress it was weeks or months or even years.
To some this passage of time with no real progress would be unrecognized
To us the little smile, the movement of a limb, the cry, the movement was so dear.
You see this little girl whom, the doctors said would never……
Is now this adorable little girl who can…….SEE, HEAR, SMILE, LAUGH, EAT, DRINK, SWALLOW, MOVE HER ARMS, UNDERSTAND LIFE, AND MOST OF ALL GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!
Life isn’t always so cut and dry.
I remember when my daughter was first born I asked God “WHY”?
The why at that time was why me, why did you do this to us, what did we do to deserve this.
Now I ask God “WHY”? Now it is why God has blessed me so with such and angel, why have I been so fortunate as to see the world with such love and non judgement now? Why was I so blessed to have this child, to show us the way, the truth and the light? Why have you blessed us so?
Life is precious, no matter how society stigmatizes things. A life is a life. Our daughter was a life even with all the nevers. Thank you God for showing us what True Love is….
I will also kind of introduce us a little better too. We are the Sheppard's we live in a small town in Illinois, south of Spfld. My husband and I will be married 20 yrs in July and have three wonderful children. Our oldest son is 18 yrs old and a senior in High School. Our youngest son is 5 yrs old and is in his last year of preschool. Then there is our Miracle Megan. She is 13 yrs old. At birth she sustained a severe hypoxic ischemic incident that resulted in severe brain injury. Megan has Cerebral palsy, non mobile, non verbal, seizure disorder, CVI, corrected scoliosis with spinal fusion surgery and rod implementation, numerous other surgeries. But she is the sweetest little angel God could of blessed us with. Because of her, we are the people we are today. She has taught us so much about life. What is important and what isn't. She is an amazing little girl. So hopefully, you will check in often and get to know the amazing gift she is.
Here is a poem I wrote years ago about Megan.....
The Little Girl that Could…
The day she was born the doctor’s said that she would die
They said that she would never laugh or never cry
They just kept saying that she would die.
They said that she would never hear or see,
They said that this would never be..
They said that she would never laugh or smile
They said that she would never eat or even be able to swallow
What they said those first few days made our hearts completely hollow.
They kept saying the things she would never do.
They said she would never walk or talk
She would never run and play
She would never dance or sing
The word never , they would sing with that medical ring.
They asked us what we wanted to do with her?
We questioned the meaning of that phrase, with What do you mean?
They said there are places for children like yours.
We said home she will go with us to love just as we would any other member of our family team.
The decision that had to be made was one that no parent should ever have to make
Were we to keep her on the machine or take her off and let God decide her fate?
The decision took many hours of prayer and inner strength
Would family and God understand?
Is it right to take this in our hands?
At that time we knew, the machine was her life at this point, we chose to remove it
We put it in Gods hands and said: Dear Father let your will be done….
To watch your child turn blue and purple and her heart rate drop to zero
Wondering if your child, this perfect child you had dreamed of for 9 months was going to leave you so suddenly?
After minutes, hours and days of ups and downs, she began to breath better no more dropping to near zero.
They still said, even though she has fought death, she still will never do anything!
She will never see or hear, laugh or smile, eat, swallow, nothing but lay there they said.
Weeks of the same news…
Finally we brought this little angel home…..
We were all so scared, they said the more she cries the more injured she is.
We coddled her and kept her close and never let her be alone.
We loved her so much, with a kind of love, that only few share
She was getting stronger and the words never seemed to fade away
We got her to suck and eat and eventually she smiled….
All the never or would nots were becoming wills and cans…
She lifted her head up today I would say
Tomorrow God, please let her do something else I would pray.
Sometimes it wasn’t days that things would progress it was weeks or months or even years.
To some this passage of time with no real progress would be unrecognized
To us the little smile, the movement of a limb, the cry, the movement was so dear.
You see this little girl whom, the doctors said would never……
Is now this adorable little girl who can…….SEE, HEAR, SMILE, LAUGH, EAT, DRINK, SWALLOW, MOVE HER ARMS, UNDERSTAND LIFE, AND MOST OF ALL GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!
Life isn’t always so cut and dry.
I remember when my daughter was first born I asked God “WHY”?
The why at that time was why me, why did you do this to us, what did we do to deserve this.
Now I ask God “WHY”? Now it is why God has blessed me so with such and angel, why have I been so fortunate as to see the world with such love and non judgement now? Why was I so blessed to have this child, to show us the way, the truth and the light? Why have you blessed us so?
Life is precious, no matter how society stigmatizes things. A life is a life. Our daughter was a life even with all the nevers. Thank you God for showing us what True Love is….
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Hello. Megan's blog is under construction. Hopefully, we will be up and running soon. Please keep up to date with her Caringbridge page too. www.caringbridge.org/visit/megansheppard
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
